Rituals and Memory Making: Creating Meaningful Moments for Siblings & Families

Rituals and memory making exercises allow for a shared experience between parents and siblings.  Specific memory making activities can be designed to help siblings tell their story, facilitate family discussions, provide opportunities to express how they feel, and document their relationship with the baby.  As a parent, you might consider your wishes, the ages of your other children, your culture or religion, or other meaningful parts of your life when thinking about making memories.  Your baby has meaning to you and to your family, and even when your baby has died, they are not gone from your life.  Here are some ways you might recognize and acknowledge the life of your baby. (Note: hospital or funeral home staff may be able to assist you with making some of these memories) 

Hand or Foot Prints- Washable ink or paint can be used to create artwork of each of your family member’s hand or foot prints together on the same paper. Place each person’s hand print alongside your baby’s hand or foot print. Use bordered paper or simple decorative scrapbook paper.  The print can also be photocopied to allow multiple family members to have a copy.  You might consider laminating a copy of your child’s prints for protection.  

Hand Molds- Siblings and family members can participate in the mixing of the gel and plaster for imprints of the baby’s hands or feet.  Multiple packages can be used to make a larger plaster mold with the siblings and the baby together in one mold. Air-dry clay, like Model Magic, can be used to create impressions of hands and feet. 

Locks of hair- This is an important souvenir in many families’ baby books.  Have a special place to put this lock of hair such as a small, plastic container, organza bag or special envelope. 

Rings- Place small rings on your baby and then pass them on to siblings and other family members to take home and wear or place in a memory box.  Many families place these tiny rings on chains and wear them on a regular basis to feel close to the baby.  A picture of your baby with the ring may also reinforce its specialness. 

Bathing/Dressing- Many parents, siblings and family members appreciate the chance to participate in bathing or dressing their baby. You or your other children might want to choose an outfit, hat or blanket to wrap your baby in.  

Reading Books- You might choose a few special books to read to your baby. These books can be placed in your keepsake box so you can always remember the story times you had together. 

Sweet smelling baby lotion- After bathing, you might use a strong smelling baby lotion on your baby’s skin. This sensory experience will bring back memories of your baby when you smell the scent of the lotion.  

Photography- It can be incredibly meaningful for you, your other children or family members to have photos taken together with your baby. You could take these with your own camera or phone, or your hospital might have a photographer or camera available. You can have family and staff take pictures of meaningful moments, like you holding your baby, a baptism, meeting family members, or your baby’s hands and feet wrapped in a favorite blanket.  

Photos or Videos for Siblings Unable to Visit- Some siblings are not able to meet their baby in the hospital. You can still create a connection between siblings even if they do not meet in person. Siblings could talk to the baby or read a book to them via phone. You might also consider creating a photo book or videos that can tell the story of your baby’s life to your children at home. Take pictures of their room, staff that cared for them, or presents or artwork from the siblings near the baby’s bed. 

Music- If music is an important part of your family culture, consider choosing music, lullabies or special songs to play for your baby. Music can help create a calming atmosphere and be a powerful memory later on.  

Memory or Keepsake Boxes- You might find a special place to keep your baby’s memories, including pictures, locks of hair, hospital ID tags, special toys, blankets or clothes. This box can be a place you or your other children can easily go to when you need to feel close to the baby.  Premade boxes can be purchased or small cardboard or plastic boxes can be decorated by siblings. 

Letters or Drawings to the Baby- Encourage family members and siblings to write letters or draw pictures about how they feel or what they wish they could tell your baby.  These can be placed with your baby before burial or cremation or kept in a special place at home for later reflection.